Thursday, January 28, 2010

Why On Earth Another Blog?!?

"Ah, yes!  Another blog!" you say.  Just what the world needs, right?  I've already got a blog over at Hummers & Cigarettes, so why in the world start a second one?  There are ba-zillions of blogs already!!!!!

I've been blogging at H&C for about 3 years now, having started that as a way to vent.  Being a political independent with rightwing leanings working in the world of public education, I find myself frequently choking on the political correctness and blatant leftist politics that pervade my profession.  H&V allows me to blow off steam at that and various PC crappolla I see frequently.

But, I have another struggle.  Faith.  I am a Christian who has been suffering from what I call "spiritual ADD" for more than a decade.  Lately, I have been struggling with getting back up on my feet and "walkin' the walk" once again.  In the past year I have returned to regularly reading the Bible and feebly attempting to get into a prayer habit.  I guess like for work, I need a place to blow off some spiritual steam -- do some processing.

In the midst of this I struggle with the Church -- both with a big "C" and a little "c".  With regards to the "little c church",  I am now "tri-churched" -- active musically at one, attending awesome services and at a second, and recently joined a Bible study class at a third.  This triangle of craziness was spawned by a major falling out with my "home church" a few years ago.  (That's the one where I continue to participate in the music program.)

But, lately I've come to think that there's a blessing in this tumultuous falling out: it has pushed me to work on me.

So, as I make the "church circuit" on a weekly basis, begin new spiritual habits of Bible reading, study, and prayer, I feel compelled to digest and savor these "phantom pains", yearnings, and inklings in written form.  There are many who do likewise, and I am simply joining a vast network of fellow strugglers.  Ha!  In fact, when I tried to register this blog, I had a hard time finding a blog name using "mustard seed", with many responses from Blogger informing me that that name was already taken.

Apparently, there a lot of fellow mustard seeds.

Why "mustard seed?"  It naturally comes to mind when I think of Jesus' words:
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."  (Matthew 17:20)
I cling to the belief that my weak faith -- the amount of a mustard seed -- is enough.  "Only a mustard seed" is enough for Jesus.  It is enough for the Holy Spirit to use to grow me.

I am that tiny seed.  You are invited to follow me on the journey ... as I germinate ... lay down roots ... sprout ... grow leaves ... and hopefully progress from there to a sapling and, God willing, a huge tree that produces seeds.  I welcome your insights, too!

Corny, I know.  A theologian I am not.  A sincere seeker, though, I am.

1 comment:

  1. Seek truth at the expense of all else.

    I went through this about 12 years ago. Everyone is different but for me removing all emotion and attachment was the key. I tried, as best I could, to follow the truth regardless of where it took me.

    So, I pray that you find the answer, but not necessarily the one you were looking for. I pray that you find the truth. For only it will set you free.


Posts that advertise products or services or those that are vulgar will not be published.