I've been blogging at H&C for about 3 years now, having started that as a way to vent. Being a political independent with rightwing leanings working in the world of public education, I find myself frequently choking on the political correctness and blatant leftist politics that pervade my profession. H&V allows me to blow off steam at that and various PC crappolla I see frequently.
But, I have another struggle. Faith. I am a Christian who has been suffering from what I call "spiritual ADD" for more than a decade. Lately, I have been struggling with getting back up on my feet and "walkin' the walk" once again. In the past year I have returned to regularly reading the Bible and feebly attempting to get into a prayer habit. I guess like for work, I need a place to blow off some spiritual steam -- do some processing.
In the midst of this I struggle with the Church -- both with a big "C" and a little "c". With regards to the "little c church", I am now "tri-churched" -- active musically at one, attending awesome services and at a second, and recently joined a Bible study class at a third. This triangle of craziness was spawned by a major falling out with my "home church" a few years ago. (That's the one where I continue to participate in the music program.)
But, lately I've come to think that there's a blessing in this tumultuous falling out: it has pushed me to work on me.
So, as I make the "church circuit" on a weekly basis, begin new spiritual habits of Bible reading, study, and prayer, I feel compelled to digest and savor these "phantom pains", yearnings, and inklings in written form. There are many who do likewise, and I am simply joining a vast network of fellow strugglers. Ha! In fact, when I tried to register this blog, I had a hard time finding a blog name using "mustard seed", with many responses from Blogger informing me that that name was already taken.
Apparently, there a lot of fellow mustard seeds.
Why "mustard seed?" It naturally comes to mind when I think of Jesus' words:
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)I cling to the belief that my weak faith -- the amount of a mustard seed -- is enough. "Only a mustard seed" is enough for Jesus. It is enough for the Holy Spirit to use to grow me.
I am that tiny seed. You are invited to follow me on the journey ... as I germinate ... lay down roots ... sprout ... grow leaves ... and hopefully progress from there to a sapling and, God willing, a huge tree that produces seeds. I welcome your insights, too!
Corny, I know. A theologian I am not. A sincere seeker, though, I am.